Still Here...

What's happening in the Life of Nat? Frankly, not a whole lot! When I'm not working, I'm walking... when I'm not walking, I'm working... you get the picture...

My marathon training is going to plan, helped immensely by the gorgeous Spring weather and lighter evenings that have brought beautiful sunsets, like these...

Photos taken with my phone camera

Things I Won't Miss While I'm On Holiday....

1. Annoying Demanding Client #1.

2. Annoying Demanding Client #1.

3. Annoying Demanding Client #1.

Oh yes.... and Annoying Demanding Client #1!

You may have read some of my earlier posts on Annoying Demanding Client #1, such as over here, here and here.

She really knows how to grate my carrot. Pee on my battery. Make like a laxative and irritate the shite out of me!

Today was no exception....

14:01 PM - Email from ADC #1
Please be advised that I am sending you X and X and X, Y, Z for your immediate attention.

14:02 PM - Email from ADC #1
Please confirm that you have received X and X and X,Y, Z

14:05 PM - Email from ADC #1
I have just tried to call you but your line is engaged [Yes, I'm on a call with Nice, Reasonable Client]
I need you to confirm you have received X and X and X,Y, Z and inform me of your immediate availability to start working on these reports.

14:08 PM - Email from ADC #1
There seems to be a problem with your email server as you are clearly not receiving mine. I will be taking this up with our IT Desk. [And if my email was out of action, exactly how can I be reading this?]

14:10 PM - Email from ADC #1
I have just been informed by the Chief Executive Very Important Big Cheese [i.e. ADC#1's boss] that this project has been postponed. No further action must be taken.

......

Did I ever mention that I got to meet ADC#1 in person earlier this year? She flew in for a series of meetings at their UK office and demanded my presence at said UK office. It was quite an experience....

ADC#1 in person was not anything like the image I had conjured up in my mind.

I had imagined someone like this....

Only a lot older!

And instead, she looks more like this.....

....just with more bling and skin tight jeans and killer heels! Yes, in the office!!! And she's probably younger than I am!

Never judge a book by its cover..... or a client by their voice.  Knowing just how Annoyingly Damn Cute ADC#1 is, did nothing to endear her to me though....

.....

PS It's Operation Pack For Thailand in Nat's household at the moment, but I'm hoping to still get chance to pop round to all your blogs before I jet off....

Notes From Nat

Dear Men of Great Britain

Yes… that great ball of fire in the sky these past few days is indeed the long lost Sun. Yes, we have endured 89 days of nonstop torrential rain, and so yes, it is truly a marvellous sight to behold. Slightly less of a marvellous sight to behold, though, is all that flabby, white flesh out on display, in your desperate attempts to catch every last ray of sunshine. I am a firm believer in the health benefits of Vitamin D myself… but four words, gentlemen: Cod Liver Oil Capsules. You can find them at your local pharmacy… and while you’re there, please pick up some sunscreen. Otherwise you’re all going to end up transforming yourselves from 50 Shades of Pale into a uniform (and very unattractive) Boiled Lobster Red.

Better yet, unless you look like this…..

Keep your shirt on, man!

………

Dear Virgin Media

We have quite a history…. you and me. A lot of water under the bridge… a lot of my hard earned money going into your bank account in exchange for what you claim is the fastest, most reliable broadband service in the galaxy... though quite how I could ever prove that I would love to know, since I can’t even connect to my local office, let alone communicate with the Wide Wide World. Is that the logic behind Sir Dicky Branson’s quest for space tourism… so that he can extend his piss poor internet service into Infinity and Beyond? Seriously, this is all getting a bit boring now… you forever messing me around by dropping my connection, almost without fail on the day that I have a humungous deadline at work. 

I’ve worked out how to circumvent your incredibly unhelpful Help Line (is that your attempt at irony by the way?) by selecting the “If you are thinking of leaving us, press 5" option when I phone up to complain, yet again, that you are in breach of contract. You always answer that line immediately, don’t you? I reckon I’m flagged up as “Difficult Customer #1”, always passed onto the Technical Manager or the Senior Technician or some other Big Cheese. Listen, I will happily talk to Sir Tricky Dicky himself….if you will just give me a frikking reliable connection that does not drop off like clockwork at 4 pm every day, just around the time half the population feels the urge to post "What I am like having for tea -  LOL!" on Facebook.

........

Dear Travel Clinic

I see what you're doing.... playing on Nat's paranoia and phobia of catching some horrendous tropical disease abroad. And I've played along... typhoid, polio, diptheria, typhoid again, hep A, hep B.... you name it, I've had the jab! But rabies... in Thailand??? You mean to say there is a rabid monkey population just waiting to sink their teeth into me the second I set foot onto the tropical island paradise of the Gulf of Thailand? OK, OK.... stick it my left arm....

That is all.

Photos not my own.

.......

Some explanatory notes for the Notes From Nat:

 Unless you’ve been… ahem… otherwise tied up (in which case you already know all there is to know and don’t need any further “educational reading”)… the erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey (and the follow-up 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed) has been causing quite a stir, outselling Harry Potter and making their author a very wealthy woman. To be honest, I haven’t read the book... yet, but I now feel obliged to, purely for scientific research purposes of course, to see what all the darn fuss is about!


Sir Richard  Branson is an English business magnate, best known for his Virgin Group of more than 400 companies.


 Yes, I'll be travelling to Thailand in the near future... well, I have to use up the excessive quantities of Deet bug spray and Factor 80 sunscreen left over from the Vietnam and Cambodia trip. And I'm itching to go back to SE Asia....

BullSh*t Bingo

Way back in the days when I had loads and loads to say for myself... you know, before the Great Loss of Nat’s Blogging Mojo of 2012... I wrote about how when I first came to live in the UK, I had to learn to communicate with the locals over here. You’d be forgiven for thinking that would be an easy task - we all speak the Queen’s English, right? Wrong! Regional accents, different slang words and inflections in totally different places only served to confound me almost daily.

But eventually I figured it all out.... I got it sorted! I stopped calling traffic lights "robots", mobiles "cell phones", and restricted use of the word "pants" to talking about my unmentionables (my undergarments) and never in the singular (as in "I wore a jean pant", a phrase quite commonly spoken in the beautiful southern African accent).

I soon learnt that a geyser is a natural fountain that throws up jets of hot water and steam. It’s also the British equivalent of the American slang word "dude"... a bloke who's a bit hard and thinks he's the “dogs' bollocks”. It is certainly not the hot water tank in your house. I now know that someone is not insulting me when they tell me that something I own or have done is “the dogs' bollocks!”. Not so if they tell me I am talking bollocks.

I answer the greeting "Allright?" with "Allright?" and I feel no urge to contradict anyone ending every sentence with "...know what I mean?" since this does not in fact require any formal response, such as "Yes, I do know what you mean" or "No, I am not quite sure what you mean....please elaborate." Ditto, the terms "right?" and "innit?!" do not phase me in the slightest, as they require no further action on my part.

Having overcome that first language barrier, I was then faced with the even bigger task of getting to grips with the frankly quite ridiculous language flying around the corporate world. Now, I am not a business person. In fact, an ex-boss once told me that I completely lacked any sense of business acumen (note, I said ex-boss). I did not take this as an insult....after all, I spent nine years of my life studying medical science, with the express purpose of avoiding spending my working life conversing with a bunch of suits in their uniquely irritating BS (Bull Shit aka Business Speak), 24/7.



With all due respect to those who are actually in the business world, and who like to be pro-active...those who thrive on brainstorming, on getting their ducks in a row and then touching base to get a heads-up on whether they’re singing from the same hymn sheet, before going forward and pushing the envelope out...at the end of the day, BS is not rocket science (even if it does involve some blue sky thinking).

Nonetheless, I do still like to think outside the box....and some long, hard days at work, I just have to find humour in things that are obviously not intended to be funny in the slightest. Very Important and Serious Stuff, don’tchaknow?

Exhibit A
This gem in an email from Annoying Demanding Client #1 today:

Here are the very important and serious data that I requested. There are some outstanding queries that will need addressing, and I am riding herd on those.

Riding herd?

What on earth? Has Annoying Demanding Client #1 branched out into cattle farming? Does she don a power dressing suit and cowboy boots and go round up a few long horns before hitting the office in the mornings?

According to the Fount of All Knowledge (Google), to ride herd on something means to keep watch or control over it. Nothing whatsoever to do with cowboys.

Pity. But that’s a good enough excuse to post some cowboy-related eye candy.....

This gentleman first put in an appearance back here

My goal for next week....to incorporate that golden nugget into an email back to Annoying Demanding Client #1, or even better, casually drop it into the conversation in a teleconference without rolling off my chair in hysterics.

A massive challenge... but rest assured, I’ll be riding herd on that and definitely giving it 110%!

Weapons Of Massive Discussion

My neighbours probably think I'm a bit weird.....


Nosy Neighbour #1: Oh her? Yes she's very odd. Lazing about all day at home while the poor husband goes out to work. Apparently she 'shirks works from home' but I reckon there's more to it than that... there's been a constant stream of strapping gentleman callers to that door in the past few years. Plumbers, builders, electricians, kitchen fitters? A likely story! Just how much work can one person get done to their house?
[Quite a lot actually, when you buy a house previously owned by the most inept interior designer since early man decided his cave could do with a few rocks being rearranged, perhaps a few strategically placed mammoth skins].


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: Then there's all that yelling she does some days....

"Just lay that freeking egg already you freeking feathered freak! You are driving me insane!"
[Neighbour to the right keeps hens that for some reason feel obliged to let the wider world know that omelettes are on the menu tonight at Number 10]

"Sod off you horrible cat! Go crap in your own garden!"
[Neighbour to the right also has 5 moggies on high fibre diets].

"Why oh why oh why do I have to put up with this?!!" 
[When my internet goes down and I lose connection to my office server... typically on a day when there is a major deadline]

" **** ******ing *****er!!!!!"
[Quite frequent outburst after any communication with Demanding Annoying Client #1].

Nosy Neighbour #1: I think she has an aggressive personality. I've heard she practises some lethal kung fu thingamabob - you know, all that secretive martial arts stuff. Trained killers those people are!
[Actually it's Aikido, and it's a passive form of self defense]


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: We had better watch our backs - we could all be murdered in our beds!
[Not all of you, just maybe Audi Man with the annoying car alarm]


Nosy Neighbour #1: She may already be up to something. Why just this past weekend I overheard her telling her husband "We really must take this stuff out the car! Do we want everyone thinking we're planning on disposing of a body?"
[Actually I did say this to B, last Saturday morning....refering to the shovel, boots and other snow storm readiness paraphernalia that have been clanging about in our car boot since the snowfalls last month.]


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: And I heard her asking him "Can you give me a hand? I just can't fit all the weapons in the car boot!"
[We were on our way to Aikido Winter School and needed to pack the bag of wooden weapons - jo (staff) and bokken (sword)]

Nosy Neighbour #1: Well whatever she's been up to, she's certainly looking the worse for wear... did you see her on Sunday? Crawling around like she's just gone 10 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson, and with the bruises to show for it!
[Aikido Winter School related injuries.... well, sort of! We were watching the black belts grading when suddenly the fire alarms went off. LOUDLY. In my haste to get out of the sport centre - I could actually smell burning - I tripped down the spectator stand and rammed my leg into a sharp metal object. I have the Mother of all bruises running the length of my thigh. Ouch!]


...........

I've been a bit scarce lately... apologies for that! Just lacking in inspiration and otherwise distracted. Not worth saying anything, unless you have something worth saying....

Hope to catch up with you all soon!

Love, Life and Bubonic Plague

Happy Valentine's Day to all those who celebrate it!

.......

I haven't had a whole lot to say for myself lately.... that's possibly because there's not really been a whole lot happening in the Life of Nat.

Work is work. Clients are clients. Some are less annoying than others. Did I mention that I got a promotion last month?

Just over 6 weeks to go till we leave for Vietnam and I think we're on track...

Visas? Check.

Jabs? Check.

249 000 bottles of bug repellent? Check.

Antimalarials? Still debating whether we need them or not. We'll be hanging out in low-risk areas and have been advised they are not necessary, but that doesn't stop me checking the CDC website daily in case there has been a shift in opinions. Avoid getting bitten in the first place is the mantra... and essential to avoid the tropical delights of dengue fever, for which there is no magic prophylactic pill.

Antibacterial wipes, gels and sprays? Check! Yes, germophobe alert!

Travel guides? Check. I picked up the latest DK Guide on Vietnam and Angkor Wat... as I do so love their "pretty pictures and little text" format that suits my short attention span. I also picked up a copy of Jane Wilson-Howarth's How To Shit Around The World: The Art of Staying Clean and Healthy While Travelling... it's fascinating reading for a germophobe and emetophobe like me, and has many amusing little anecdotes that I may just have to share one day.

When I'm not fretting about catching malaria/traveller's diarrhoea/bubonic plague/leprosy and stocking up on medical supplies for our trip, I'm most likely experimenting with new healthy recipes or trying to keep moving, as part of my Not So Fat Nat programme that you can follow over here.

And that is pretty much all that's been happening in the Life of Nat of late....

Crazy. Stupid. Busy.



I’ve been off the bloggersphere for a little while. Kind of conspicuous by my absence, so to speak... or rather type.

So....what has been happening in the Life of Nat?

Quite a lot, actually... there have been some crazy high jinks, some should-have-known-better-stupid escapades, and some run-of-the mill domestic stuff.

First up, the high jinks, or rather Air Kix. One night last week I got to try out indoor skydiving... body flying in a wind tunnel, set up to simulate free falling at 24,000 feet.

There is no way on this planet (or indeed the wider galaxy for that matter) that I am ever going to jump out of a ‘plane with just a silk sheet strapped to my back to spare me from making like a cow pat (splattery splat!) in a big open field of ruminating bovines. So this is possibly the next best thing. And perhaps slightly less dangerous than my foiled attempts at paragliding.

Here I am looking rather ...er... fly! And large...

Loads of fun and definitely something I would try again.


And so onto the stupid escapades... or rather “This one time, when I temporarily lost all sense of proportion and imagined I was back in my drunken undergraduate student days!”

My liver certainly thought Nat was partying like it was 1993....

It was my office Christmas party this past weekend... a 3-course dinner, obligatory cheesy disco for those so inclined, and then midnight taxis home for the local residents or a night in the hotel for those of us living further afield. I should have listened to the Sensible, One-Glass-Of-Wine-Is-My-Limit Nat sitting on my shoulder, and retired to my comfy hotel bed as the Pumpkin Hour struck.

Random shot of hotel light fittings

But I didn’t.

“A quick night cap” in the hotel bar with the other stayer-overs (is that even a word?) turned into a few. And then someone had the bright idea of “finishing it all off with a shot”...

Next thing we know it’s gone 4 am and we have steadily worked our way through a selection of liqueurs.

Tequila! She makes me happy!

So does sambuca, disaronno, Bailey’s, vodka and kahlua...

The bar man is politely asking us to “Leave right now people! Just get out!!!” and actually escorting us from the premises...

Amazingly, I wake up 6 hours later feeling rather chirpy, which is more than can be said for my ‘tache-touting, everyone-was-my-buddy-last-night’ husband (who by the way has been so flattered by the positive response to his whiskers that he’s keeping them till the New Year). The hangover struck with a vengeance on the drive home...

I spent the rest of Sunday semi-comatose on the couch, unfit for purpose, which did nothing for the progress of Operation Christmas Preparation. With a whole horde of visitors about to descend upon us between now and the Big Day itself, I have been on a frenzied hosting hyper drive...planning meals, ordering van loads of groceries, sorting out the guest bedroom, getting the Christmas cards posted, gifts wrapped, Christmas tree decorated, Christmas cake boozed...

Someone please hit the “Pause button”!

Things I've Learnt From Renovating My Kitchen

My old kitchen was crap.

Crappy countertops, crappy old cupboards

Crappy hob and hood

Crap.

REALLY crappy oven (sans handle!)

Crap.

Crappy storage

Crappy.

Crappy finish and ultra crappy tiling

Crap. Did I mention it was crap?

Crappy use of space

Crappy boiler doors and crappier boiler control

Living without a proper kitchen for two months is really not funny. Particularly living without a dishwasher.... and if that wasn't bad enough, not having a sink for a week and washing dishes in the bath is seriously uncool.


There are only so many microwave meals on the market... if you live in the UK, Marks and Sparks have the best, closest-to-home-cooking options - and believe me, we tried them all!


Project managing a general kitchen fitter, a gas man, an electrician, granite worktop fitters and blind specialists to work around each other comes with its own set of challenges... but is still cheaper and gets you a more personalised service than the One-Stop-Shop Kitchen Fitting companies.


Getting the aforementioned One-Stop-Shop Kitchen Fitting companies in to give you a free quote is a great way of getting a free kitchen design that your own fitter can then tweak to your specifications.
 
Things will always go wrong with a project of such a scale.... perhaps we got off lightly with the almost-flooding-the-house-when-the-new-radiator-stuffed-up-the-heating-system scenario that I wrote about here.



Flooding your airing cupboard is one sure way to spring clean said cupboard... Nat thinks "I could wash all these soggy towels and linens, or I could just take them to the Cloth Recycle Depot - I'm not using half of them anyway!"

Scary leak

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh!

It's nothing short of a miracle that we are actually still alive and did not explode/implode/combust/ electrocute ourselves in the seven years we lived with our old kitchen.... the renovations brought to light all the shortcomings of the previous bodger owner: gas pipes fitted straight through the brickwork with no casing to avoid corrosion and no isolation valves in case of emergency, the boiler controller earthed into the neutral, overhead lights fitted precariously into loose planks of wood... these are just a few of the hidden dangers unearthed in the process.


Builders' dust is like nothing else on this planet.... perhaps it is in fact from Mars - that might explain it's peculiar red hue. All I know is, I detest the stuff... it gets into every nook and cranny and does not relinquish its hold easily!

Baby oil is a cheap, fragrant and effective product for polishing stainless steel appliances and stopping fingerprint smudges... thanks for the tip, Gas Man!


My new kitchen is just beautiful... even if I say so myself...... click on photos to enlarge for best viewing...

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Did I mention that my new kitchen is beautiful? But hard to photograph!

Wassup Nat?

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning and then just a bit more cleaning!

This has been the theme of my weekend… with the kitchen on the verge of completion (photos will be posted soon!), it’s been time to start waging war on the thick layer of dust covering every surface, every nook, every cranny… every cranny’s granny.

A total of 10 hours' dust busting yesterday, and another 6 today...I may have slightly overdone things, but I reckon I’ve burned off a chocolate bar or two! I still have to unpack the stored kitchen stuff and then tackle the rest of the house….but that’s for another day.

Happy Fathers’ Day to all the Dads and Dads-To-Be! 

It’s been the first one for me without my dad, and I feel a bit sad today. People say the first year after you lose someone close to you is the worst, as it brings the first of a whole load of days without the one you lost….. their birthday, your birthday, Christmas and so on.

I would love for my dad to have seen the new kitchen - completed. He saw the plans, came with us to the showroom to view the cabinets just a few weeks before he passed away, and was very excited for us about everything. That’s how my dad was, always enthusiastic about everything, always seeing the possibilities. I’m sure that if he can, he’ll pop by sometime...armed with his can of WD40 and his trusty Philips screwdriver, he'll check the hinges are oiled and the handles are secured. Just in case.

Me, Myself and Nat

So...after bombarding you all with nothing but photos from my now not-so-recent South African trip these past few weeks [read “She’s too darn lazy to write anything these days!”], I thought I’d mix things up a bit with some rather random ramblings of the written variety.

Confused yet? Keep reading....

This goes out in response to this blog award that the fabulous Meowlissa at Meowlissa the Domesticated has bestowed upon me....

If you don’t know Meowlissa yet, you really should go and check her blog out...not only is she a very talented artist, she is one witty lady with a sense of humour that strikes just the right chord with me  [Meowlissa, is this enough grovelling to qualify for my acceptance speech?].... and like me, she’s a big fan of monkeys, which is always a good thing.

As is usually the case with these Bloggy Oscars, there are some acceptance rules....

#1 Thank and link back to the person that has given you this award.

Thanks M! Just in case you missed the bit above/skimmed over it hoping to get to the juicy bit, here’s where she hangs out.... Meowlissa the Domesticated

#2 Share 7 things about yourself.
OK, how on earth can I share anything even vaguely original or interesting about me that I haven’t already bored you all with written about before? More importantly, is there anything even vaguely original or interesting about me? Perhaps not, but I’m going to go for a Days Of The Week/Days of My Life theme... “Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives...”

Sunday

And the child that is born on the Sabbath Day,
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay

I don't fit that description on so many fronts ... but in one aspect it’s true: I made my grand entrance into this world (or more accurately, the Lady Chancellor Maternity Ward, Salisbury, Rhodesia [now Mbuya Nehanda, Parirenyatwa Hospital, Harare, Zimbabwe]) in the early hours of Sunday, January 20^th 1974. My mom had a very quick labour (this being the 1970s that was lucky as it was natural childbirth and all that shite, with my dad keeping well out of things until he was presented with a clean, but wriggly little girl, weighing in at almost 8 pounds and with a full head of hair).

You can read more about the world that I was born into in one of my earliest attempts at blogging, over here.

Monday

Important things have happened to me on a Monday... I went from being Miss Nat to Dr Nat in the Jamieson Hall, University of Cape Town one sunny December afternoon back in 2001. Exactly one week later, overlooking Noordhoek Beach on an even sunnier and scorchingly hot day, I became Mrs B...but I kept the Dr Nat part too (coz I’m vain like that!).

Tuesday

I really hate Tuesdays... I do! I even wrote a whole post about my hatred for them over here.

Bad things always happen on Tuesdays... one of the most memorable for me is the tragic and unnecessary death of a bright, outgoing, 30-year old colleague who suffered an embolism after a DVT was overlooked. May 17^th, 2005 – she is never forgotten.

Wednesday

This is the day I have to don corporate gear (as opposed to my usual scruffy shirk-at-home attire) and head into my office. Typically a long day, including a 4-hour round trip, that usually leaves me feeling hung out to dry and not really fit for purpose by the end of it. Wednesday’s a good night to collapse on the couch, one eye on rubbishy TV, another perusing your entertaining blogs, and the third eye...har! Just checking you’re still awake at the halfway mark...

Thursday

Thursday evenings, you’re likely to find me being thrown around/throwing others around the mat of the Aikido dojo, and generally embarrassing myself with my ineptness and lack of hand versus foot co-ordination. 

Friday

At last the weekend is here, although sometimes it’s a bit reluctant to kick off. Why are work deadlines always set to Friday evening…especially if I have plans to get away in good time? Fridays are frequently freakin' frantic!

Saturday

The best day of the week! Given a choice, I would spent it exploring somewhere new, taking loads of photos and just generally being outdoors. More often than not, we're away visiting friends and family or hosting for the weekend, but every now and again it's nice to just veg at home, on our own. An ideal Saturday at home for me would start with a good, long lie-in, then tea in bed before an invigorating pre-breakfast….walk. Some time to potter about and maybe get some chores and shopping done, before meeting friends for dinner.

Yes, I have life-membership to the Boring Old Farts Club…

And that’s the end of that....

#3 Award 15 blogs you feel deserve the award.

This is really the worst part about these things - how do you award some people and not others? How about those who aren’t into these blog award things? Let me make my life easy... if you’re on my Blog Roll (see right hand side of page) consider yourself awarded! Haaaa! GOTCHA!

#4 Contact these bloggers and let them know about the award.

On my To Do List

Weekend Allsorts

It’s been a weird weekend… kind of like a mixed bag of allsorts, with a bit of everything going on. Disappointingly, no liquorice, though…

Saturday started with a spot of pampering – an aromatherapy facial with head massage and a manicure… a belated birthday present from B, and very, very nice indeed! I could have spent all day, cocooned under the warm covers, soft South American pipe music in the background, while the annoyingly young and fresh-faced beautician tried to “reverse the ravages of time” from my face (to quote the antiwrinkle cream adverts).

All that relaxing can work up quite an appetite…. for a tasty Thai lunch, served with unlimited jasmine tea, and a bargain for a fiver.

Later that day we had to bid farewell to a faithful old friend… our little Fiat Punto. It seems ridiculous to be emotionally attached to a car, but I was really sad to see her go. She was the first car I’d ever owned, I’d driven her the length and breadth of Britain, and shifted DIY supplies to our new house, and building rubble and garden waste to the dump in her ample boot. 

Back in her glory days circa 2003

But we’d realised months ago that we don’t need to be a two-car household, and were just wasting money every year on insurance and road tax. Money that can be better spent on a new kitchen…work to commence shortly, so watch this space. I've spent hours on the internet this weekend comparing prices of appliances and have just ordered a new double oven…I can’t wait to have one that has a range of temperatures (not just “blacken”, “scorch” and “burn to a crisp”), and that opens by a door handle, not by prising open the door with a knife!

And someone was prising my head open with a very blunt spoon... or at least that's how I felt in the early hours of Sunday morning. I woke up with a pounding migraine that had been hovering with intent since Thursday and finally manifested with a vengeance. I spent most of the next few hours swallowing whatever cocktail of painkillers I could find, wondering at what point I’d OD. I did eventually fall asleep again, only to wake up feeling like I’d been stuffed in the washing machine and set to spin dry.

Impeccable timing of course…. on a day when I really needed to be in peak physical condition, for another gruelling Aikido course with the Very Important Sensei that I’ve mentioned on here before. Feeling a bit delicate, I was contemplating giving it a skip, but Nat is not one to admit defeat so easily. Things were going OK, and we were about 2 hours in, when a great clumsy oaf fellow Aikidoer decided he would crash land his sizeable ass on my long-suffering head….cue Owl City…

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

A time-lapse sequence showing fireflies and star trails. Photo: Steve Irvine

OK, maybe there weren’t ten million of them, but specks of dazzling light flashing in front of your eyes is never a good thing. I watched the rest of the course from the side-lines.

Of course, today is Mothering Sunday in the UK. [Useless information alert] Records from about four hundred years ago show that on this day, which falls mid-Lent, people made a point of visiting their nearest big church (the Mother Church). People who visited their mother church would say they had gone "a mothering." Young girls and boys “in service” (maids and servants) at the local Manor House or in a Mansion, were only allowed one day to visit their family each year, usually on Mothering Sunday. In recent times, Mothering Sunday has in Britain taken on the name and character of the US Mother's Day.

So happy Mothering Sunday to those who commemorate it, and hope everyone has had good weekends!

Notes From Nat

Dear Traveller Insurance Broker

I have just one thing to say to you:

Hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrr!

I warned you in my letter last year that I would not give up the fight until you handed over the cash you owe me after my trip to Amsterdam got cancelled...thanks to that blasted Icelandic volcano and its clingy little ash cloud. It’s taken almost a year of stroppy letters (and an intervention from the Financial Ombudsman), but now you’re finally going to have to cough up. Sure you’ll choke on every pound...

Volcanic ash cloud pic from here

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Dear Census 2011 Questionnaire Writers

You guys probably know what you're doing by now..... after all, Britain has carried out a Census every decade since 1801 (except for 1941 during WWII).... but isn't the last response on Question 19 a bit redundant? Presumably, if you can read the answer box which says "Not at all", you should not tick it?

 I’m just saying....

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Dear Overly Friendly, Strange Cat

You know I love cats... well, apart from those little f*ckers that keep crapping in my flower beds! And yes, you are ever so cute and friendly, coming over to keep me company whilst I'm trying to restore some semblance of order to that Weed Fest masquerading as my garden. The problem is, it's just a tad difficult to make any progress with the weed clearing with you squirming your way around my legs, rubbing up against my back, lolling and rolling on top of the weeds and trying to catch my hand every time I get a grip on one of the little suckers. And all this whilst purring loudly and appreciatively the whole time. Might I suggest you invest in one of those rope covered scratching posts for your personal entertainment, so that I can get some flippin' work done!

Yours truly
Nat