My poor, long-suffering husband…. almost 11 years ago he
promised to give me his unending love and devotion, to share his thoughts,
hopes, and dreams with me. He also promised to be The One Who Disposes of All Things That Crawl and Flap and Buzz, and
The Calm One in Adverse Situations… come to think of it, many of the adverse
scenarios we have so far encountered in our lives together have been resolved
by his expert spider slaying techniques. So
actually, he got off rather lightly, all things considered… two roles rolled
into one, so to speak.
Or maybe not… he did marry into my somewhat insane oddball mad
as a box of frogs eccentric family. I always say he should have run for the
hills the day he met my brother. This is the same brother who assured me as a child
that if he cut my Barbie doll’s hair, it would grow back… even longer and more luscious.
Who set fire to my favourite baby doll, using her to put out the flames of a
fire he had started in his cupboard. The self-same brother, who decided that
ironing the creases out of his shoe laces would be the perfect intimidating activity
to accompany his interrogation of B… one requiring a fierce spotlight lamp,
apparently positioned just right to illuminate the ironing board, and by happy
coincidence, casting a blinding bright light into B’s eyes!
Then there's my mom, who can take practical jokes a bit too far at times.
Then there's my mom, who can take practical jokes a bit too far at times.
Anyway, that's enough about my family and other animals.
So…. it’s the last evening of our Thai holiday, and time to bid a sad farewell to the beautiful, tropical paradise of our lush resort, the smiling Thai people, excruciating but invigorating daily Thai massages, and of course, satay chicken on tap. How depressing to have to pack to go home… isn't that the worst part of the trip? And such a contrast to packing to go away… that can take me weeks of excited anticipation. Packing to travel home I usually leave till the last minute… no need to waste any precious holiday time neatly folding dirty clothes!
So…. it’s the last evening of our Thai holiday, and time to bid a sad farewell to the beautiful, tropical paradise of our lush resort, the smiling Thai people, excruciating but invigorating daily Thai massages, and of course, satay chicken on tap. How depressing to have to pack to go home… isn't that the worst part of the trip? And such a contrast to packing to go away… that can take me weeks of excited anticipation. Packing to travel home I usually leave till the last minute… no need to waste any precious holiday time neatly folding dirty clothes!
Just grab the cases, flip them open, chuck everything in and…..
whoa!!!
Hang on just an eight-legged freak-ing moment! What in the name of all that is hairy and scary is THAT THING leering up at me from the depths of Suitcase Abyss?
Possibly the ugliest spider I have yet to set eyes on… and I’ve eye-balled quite a few. Growing up in the Tropics, I’ve had more than my share of Close Encounters of the Arachnid Kind.
Hang on just an eight-legged freak-ing moment! What in the name of all that is hairy and scary is THAT THING leering up at me from the depths of Suitcase Abyss?
Possibly the ugliest spider I have yet to set eyes on… and I’ve eye-balled quite a few. Growing up in the Tropics, I’ve had more than my share of Close Encounters of the Arachnid Kind.
This Thai variety was almost snow white…. which was quite
fortunate, as it was thus easily spotted as it set off at great speed across the
dark, teak floor boards, towards the floor-length curtains.
Nat: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!
B {barefoot and barely clothed}: With what, exactly?
Nat: Don’t care… just kill it! Kill it! KILL IT!
B: Pass me a shoe, please.
Note to self: Flimsy flip-flops and insubstantial strappy
sandals may look pretty on holiday feet, but they are about as much use as a
chocolate teapot when it comes to Arachnid Annihilating Activities.
Nat: You got it? I’d stand on that sandal now though, just
to be sure...! {B lifts said sandal and (as if by magic) the spider has
vanished. Presumably, it has crawled up the aforementioned (very pale) curtains...
just perfect for any anaemic-looking spider trying to go incognito}
Note to the management of the Sala Samui Resort and Spa:
Subdued lighting is all very well and romantic… but it does nothing to aid Spider Spotting Situations. Ditto the white curtains. But thank you for so
thoughtfully providing a very powerful torch in the room…
To cut short a long, long, LONG story… involving the torch, an
umbrella, lots of shrieking, and a loud thump… the sneaky spider’s plans to
stowaway to London in our luggage were well and truly scuppered.
…….
Random Useless Piece of Information: in Cockney rhyming
slang, your ‘trouble and strife’ is your wife…
