Notes From Nat

Dear Men of Great Britain

Yes… that great ball of fire in the sky these past few days is indeed the long lost Sun. Yes, we have endured 89 days of nonstop torrential rain, and so yes, it is truly a marvellous sight to behold. Slightly less of a marvellous sight to behold, though, is all that flabby, white flesh out on display, in your desperate attempts to catch every last ray of sunshine. I am a firm believer in the health benefits of Vitamin D myself… but four words, gentlemen: Cod Liver Oil Capsules. You can find them at your local pharmacy… and while you’re there, please pick up some sunscreen. Otherwise you’re all going to end up transforming yourselves from 50 Shades of Pale into a uniform (and very unattractive) Boiled Lobster Red.

Better yet, unless you look like this…..

Keep your shirt on, man!

………

Dear Virgin Media

We have quite a history…. you and me. A lot of water under the bridge… a lot of my hard earned money going into your bank account in exchange for what you claim is the fastest, most reliable broadband service in the galaxy... though quite how I could ever prove that I would love to know, since I can’t even connect to my local office, let alone communicate with the Wide Wide World. Is that the logic behind Sir Dicky Branson’s quest for space tourism… so that he can extend his piss poor internet service into Infinity and Beyond? Seriously, this is all getting a bit boring now… you forever messing me around by dropping my connection, almost without fail on the day that I have a humungous deadline at work. 

I’ve worked out how to circumvent your incredibly unhelpful Help Line (is that your attempt at irony by the way?) by selecting the “If you are thinking of leaving us, press 5" option when I phone up to complain, yet again, that you are in breach of contract. You always answer that line immediately, don’t you? I reckon I’m flagged up as “Difficult Customer #1”, always passed onto the Technical Manager or the Senior Technician or some other Big Cheese. Listen, I will happily talk to Sir Tricky Dicky himself….if you will just give me a frikking reliable connection that does not drop off like clockwork at 4 pm every day, just around the time half the population feels the urge to post "What I am like having for tea -  LOL!" on Facebook.

........

Dear Travel Clinic

I see what you're doing.... playing on Nat's paranoia and phobia of catching some horrendous tropical disease abroad. And I've played along... typhoid, polio, diptheria, typhoid again, hep A, hep B.... you name it, I've had the jab! But rabies... in Thailand??? You mean to say there is a rabid monkey population just waiting to sink their teeth into me the second I set foot onto the tropical island paradise of the Gulf of Thailand? OK, OK.... stick it my left arm....

That is all.

Photos not my own.

.......

Some explanatory notes for the Notes From Nat:

 Unless you’ve been… ahem… otherwise tied up (in which case you already know all there is to know and don’t need any further “educational reading”)… the erotic novel 50 Shades of Grey (and the follow-up 50 Shades Darker and 50 Shades Freed) has been causing quite a stir, outselling Harry Potter and making their author a very wealthy woman. To be honest, I haven’t read the book... yet, but I now feel obliged to, purely for scientific research purposes of course, to see what all the darn fuss is about!


Sir Richard  Branson is an English business magnate, best known for his Virgin Group of more than 400 companies.


 Yes, I'll be travelling to Thailand in the near future... well, I have to use up the excessive quantities of Deet bug spray and Factor 80 sunscreen left over from the Vietnam and Cambodia trip. And I'm itching to go back to SE Asia....