Spend the morning confining to the bottom of your Dyson cylinder the lifeless bodies of hundreds of itsy, bitsy, teeny little spiders that had taken up residence in your kitchen blind, you can expect later that same day to look up into the malevolent eyes of the big, fat, hairy Daddy of all spiders…lurking on your car windscreen visor, while you’re gunning down the fast lane of the M25.
Nat: Houston....we have a problem!
B (driving): What sort of problem?
Nat: The sort that involves a great big hairy spider dangling just above your head!
B (turning a slightly paler shade of grey): Well, just flick it away!
Nat: With what exactly?
B: I dunno.... your hand?
Nat (wondering why, after 17 years of living with a woman who turns into an hysterical, shrieking banshee every time she spots the teeniest spider, this man could even joke that said hysterical woman would touch a great big hairy, scary spider!): Are you insane?????!!!!
B: Well use your water bottle, then. I can't do anything... I'm driving.
Nat (shaking violently but somehow mustering the strength to grasp the water bottle and use it to bat the enormous, deadly looking spider across to HER side of the car!): Cr*p! Now it's on the window! MY WINDOW!
B: So wind down the window and shove it out!
Nat: NOOOOOOOO! It will jump on me!
B: And I can't drive with you sitting in my lap like this!
Nat: Pull over!!!
B: I can't! There's no hard shoulder...
Nat: Pull over, right now!!!!!
B brings the car to an emergency stop at the side of the road. Nat opens the door and leaps out, to witness the gigantic, hairy, venomous spider being summarily dismissed from the car.
Nat: He's trying to crawl back inside! Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!!!!
B: Just get back in the car, woman! You're going to get yourself killed!
Why does he always have to be such a Drama Queen....?!
One of my favourite fridge magnets by Rose Rigden
Eeek! I feel your pain, I absolutely loathe spiders and the mere thought of flicking one away makes me shudder! x
ReplyDeleteI love your sense of humor. Poor spiders it seems no one likes them.
ReplyDeleteFunny post.
ReplyDeleteSpiders are way too creepy for me...
ReplyDeleteSbtttttt! You really made me laugh with this one, and I just felt a little shiver run down my spine... hope it was not a spider!
ReplyDeleteBises,
Genie
Haha! This post cracked. me. up. Spiders I am okay with...snakes are another story.
ReplyDeleteHAHAAH! Are you describing me and hubby in same situation? I laughed while reading your post, but I did not laugh when it happened, so I understand you soooooooo well!! Spiders ?! Biiiirk!
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha.... Although it does remind me of that night very long ago when I was driving home from my girlfriend and a spider walked across my bare foot on the accalerator. Nearly lost it, pulled over and couldn't find it. Stood there for nearly half hour before getting back in and continuing.
ReplyDeletehaha love the kitty on the post!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Tracy...spiders no probs but even mention the word sn*k* and I stop breathing and begin to shudder, shake and scream. Very very loudly. Thank goodness St Patrick got rid of them over here long ago :)
We do a lot of camping and having a big spider around (especially a tarantula) is a good thing! It's kind of like having a barn cat. The tarantula keeps the other insects away.
ReplyDeleteFunny post Nat.
I have no problems with spiders outside my domain, but just one of those eight hairy legs comes in and it's all over, squashed kaput and I feel no pain!! Looooove the kitty!
ReplyDeleteNat, I have absolutely NO problem with how you handled the situation, and would have certainly done the EXACT SAME THING were it me!!!!! ;)
ReplyDelete