BullSh*t Bingo

Way back in the days when I had loads and loads to say for myself... you know, before the Great Loss of Nat’s Blogging Mojo of 2012... I wrote about how when I first came to live in the UK, I had to learn to communicate with the locals over here. You’d be forgiven for thinking that would be an easy task - we all speak the Queen’s English, right? Wrong! Regional accents, different slang words and inflections in totally different places only served to confound me almost daily.

But eventually I figured it all out.... I got it sorted! I stopped calling traffic lights "robots", mobiles "cell phones", and restricted use of the word "pants" to talking about my unmentionables (my undergarments) and never in the singular (as in "I wore a jean pant", a phrase quite commonly spoken in the beautiful southern African accent).

I soon learnt that a geyser is a natural fountain that throws up jets of hot water and steam. It’s also the British equivalent of the American slang word "dude"... a bloke who's a bit hard and thinks he's the “dogs' bollocks”. It is certainly not the hot water tank in your house. I now know that someone is not insulting me when they tell me that something I own or have done is “the dogs' bollocks!”. Not so if they tell me I am talking bollocks.

I answer the greeting "Allright?" with "Allright?" and I feel no urge to contradict anyone ending every sentence with "...know what I mean?" since this does not in fact require any formal response, such as "Yes, I do know what you mean" or "No, I am not quite sure what you mean....please elaborate." Ditto, the terms "right?" and "innit?!" do not phase me in the slightest, as they require no further action on my part.

Having overcome that first language barrier, I was then faced with the even bigger task of getting to grips with the frankly quite ridiculous language flying around the corporate world. Now, I am not a business person. In fact, an ex-boss once told me that I completely lacked any sense of business acumen (note, I said ex-boss). I did not take this as an insult....after all, I spent nine years of my life studying medical science, with the express purpose of avoiding spending my working life conversing with a bunch of suits in their uniquely irritating BS (Bull Shit aka Business Speak), 24/7.



With all due respect to those who are actually in the business world, and who like to be pro-active...those who thrive on brainstorming, on getting their ducks in a row and then touching base to get a heads-up on whether they’re singing from the same hymn sheet, before going forward and pushing the envelope out...at the end of the day, BS is not rocket science (even if it does involve some blue sky thinking).

Nonetheless, I do still like to think outside the box....and some long, hard days at work, I just have to find humour in things that are obviously not intended to be funny in the slightest. Very Important and Serious Stuff, don’tchaknow?

Exhibit A
This gem in an email from Annoying Demanding Client #1 today:

Here are the very important and serious data that I requested. There are some outstanding queries that will need addressing, and I am riding herd on those.

Riding herd?

What on earth? Has Annoying Demanding Client #1 branched out into cattle farming? Does she don a power dressing suit and cowboy boots and go round up a few long horns before hitting the office in the mornings?

According to the Fount of All Knowledge (Google), to ride herd on something means to keep watch or control over it. Nothing whatsoever to do with cowboys.

Pity. But that’s a good enough excuse to post some cowboy-related eye candy.....

This gentleman first put in an appearance back here

My goal for next week....to incorporate that golden nugget into an email back to Annoying Demanding Client #1, or even better, casually drop it into the conversation in a teleconference without rolling off my chair in hysterics.

A massive challenge... but rest assured, I’ll be riding herd on that and definitely giving it 110%!