Weapons Of Massive Discussion

My neighbours probably think I'm a bit weird.....


Nosy Neighbour #1: Oh her? Yes she's very odd. Lazing about all day at home while the poor husband goes out to work. Apparently she 'shirks works from home' but I reckon there's more to it than that... there's been a constant stream of strapping gentleman callers to that door in the past few years. Plumbers, builders, electricians, kitchen fitters? A likely story! Just how much work can one person get done to their house?
[Quite a lot actually, when you buy a house previously owned by the most inept interior designer since early man decided his cave could do with a few rocks being rearranged, perhaps a few strategically placed mammoth skins].


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: Then there's all that yelling she does some days....

"Just lay that freeking egg already you freeking feathered freak! You are driving me insane!"
[Neighbour to the right keeps hens that for some reason feel obliged to let the wider world know that omelettes are on the menu tonight at Number 10]

"Sod off you horrible cat! Go crap in your own garden!"
[Neighbour to the right also has 5 moggies on high fibre diets].

"Why oh why oh why do I have to put up with this?!!" 
[When my internet goes down and I lose connection to my office server... typically on a day when there is a major deadline]

" **** ******ing *****er!!!!!"
[Quite frequent outburst after any communication with Demanding Annoying Client #1].

Nosy Neighbour #1: I think she has an aggressive personality. I've heard she practises some lethal kung fu thingamabob - you know, all that secretive martial arts stuff. Trained killers those people are!
[Actually it's Aikido, and it's a passive form of self defense]


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: We had better watch our backs - we could all be murdered in our beds!
[Not all of you, just maybe Audi Man with the annoying car alarm]


Nosy Neighbour #1: She may already be up to something. Why just this past weekend I overheard her telling her husband "We really must take this stuff out the car! Do we want everyone thinking we're planning on disposing of a body?"
[Actually I did say this to B, last Saturday morning....refering to the shovel, boots and other snow storm readiness paraphernalia that have been clanging about in our car boot since the snowfalls last month.]


Net Curtain Twitcher #2: And I heard her asking him "Can you give me a hand? I just can't fit all the weapons in the car boot!"
[We were on our way to Aikido Winter School and needed to pack the bag of wooden weapons - jo (staff) and bokken (sword)]

Nosy Neighbour #1: Well whatever she's been up to, she's certainly looking the worse for wear... did you see her on Sunday? Crawling around like she's just gone 10 rounds in the ring with Mike Tyson, and with the bruises to show for it!
[Aikido Winter School related injuries.... well, sort of! We were watching the black belts grading when suddenly the fire alarms went off. LOUDLY. In my haste to get out of the sport centre - I could actually smell burning - I tripped down the spectator stand and rammed my leg into a sharp metal object. I have the Mother of all bruises running the length of my thigh. Ouch!]


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I've been a bit scarce lately... apologies for that! Just lacking in inspiration and otherwise distracted. Not worth saying anything, unless you have something worth saying....

Hope to catch up with you all soon!