Thicker Than Water

Cousins - I have a load of them....first cousins, second cousins, third and even fourth, cousins “by marriage, once-removed”. I’ve never really been that close to any of them apart from S, my mom’s sister’s daughter. Separated by just over a year in age and growing up only a few houses apart, we were inseparable as children...united against the rest of the world, and in particular, against her bullying younger brother.

Fairly early on, it was obvious that S had gotten the looks (tall and skinny with big blue eyes, excessively long black eyelashes, blonde hair), and (apparently) I’d got the brains. She was the confident one, Miss Popularity as a teenager...whereas I was the “sensible one”, the shy one focused on getting good grades at school (read "boring geek").

One of the few photos I have from my childhood (camera film was just not available in Zimbabwe in the late 1970s to early 80s) sums us up quite well I think...

The Age of Innocence - Christmas 1978 (?)

Despite the slightly bizarre part-obscuring of the scene by the photographer’s spectacle lens, you can see S blinking up at the sunlight but confidently facing the camera, while I preferred to hide behind my brother (the two us with our matching pudding basin haircuts, and him in those ‘Daisy Dukes’).

Unfortunately, her good looks didn’t guarantee S a particularly happy life. Her parents divorced when she was very young, and my aunt got remarried, to a truly wicked man. The type of man who thinks it’s fitting to take a 10 year old girl out to the car, point at the exhaust and tell her exactly how her dad committed suicide, instead of just telling her he was in a “tragic accident”.

Perhaps not having a strong father figure in her life drove my cousin into a series of dreadful relationships with abusive men and eventually into a marriage with a compulsive liar and conman. They parted company soon after their son was born, and not long before he was imprisoned for his crimes. For a "pretty white boy", serving any time in a Zimbabwean jail is effectively a death sentence.

Eventually, S moved south of the border to start a new life and give her son a better future. Things were finally looking up for her - she had a good job, she’d made new friends and she’d met a really decent man...one with a big kind heart, capable of giving her all the love she deserved. But sadly, that good man’s heart was not strong enough to withstand a massive coronary, let alone two.

I haven’t seen my cousin for over 10 years, but we’ve been in contact almost every day this past month. I hope that she can find the inner strength to pick up the pieces of her life, again...