Showing posts with label No Pain No Pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label No Pain No Pain. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Flattery Will Get You Nowhere...

On Monday nights, you’ll most likely find me torturing myself at my boxercise class…basically, I pay four quid to be shouted at by Muscle Man (aka Boot Camp Drill Sergeant) for an hour, while I run around a chilly village hall and do squats, lunges and press-ups, drop dumbbells on my toes, question my sanity and dream of eating chocolates. And all this in the name of achieving a super svelte body (or at least trying to counteract my massive energy input with a teeny bit of output). Last night was no exception... except it was not Muscle Man taking the class (he’s busy sunning his muscles on the Portuguese Algarve) but rather his female counterpart.



Not the actual Muscle Man but some eye candy for the ladies on a slow Tuesday morning


The village hall backs onto a large, grassy park and recreational area, with basketball courts, a skateboarding ramp and children’s playground. Naturally, the place is popular with the local kids, making the most of the long summer evenings... although the area does have floodlights so they can use it in winter too. We do get the odd spectator, but generally the playground holds far more attractions than watching a bunch of “old people” running around in circles.

Yesterday evening, however, a couple of teenagers were extremely interested in the activities going on in the hall... especially when they noticed a pile of boxing gloves waiting for the punching session of the class...


Teenage Boy #1: “Look... they’ve got boxing gloves! We want to do that!” [Starts grabbing the gloves]

Muscle Woman: “You can join in, but you will have to pay for the class.”

Teenage Boy #2 “Why?”

Muscle Woman: “This is a private boxercise class, and we pay to hire the hall. Therefore if you join in, you pay the fee.”

Teenage Boy #2: “But what do you use the boxing gloves for?”

Muscle Woman: “We use them as part of the exercise routine.”

Teenage Boy #2: “But you lot ain’t fat! Why do you need to exercise?”

Muscle Woman: “That’s very nice of you, but we still need to exercise to stay fit. Are you going to pay now?”

The boys run off to the park.....



Wednesday, 22 December 2010

How Did I Do?

As the year draws rapidly to an end, it’s time for me to revisit my Hope To Do List For 2010 and see how I got on with my goals...



1. Become Master Ninja at Aikido
Ha! This is never actually going to happen...I struggle to work out my left foot from my right most of the time. Then there's the minor issue of a morbid fear of rolling head over heels (break falling). Amazingly, I did manage to pass my first grading though.

2. Get superfit and svelte
I’m certainly fitter (thanks to the energetic Aikido classes and boxercise sessions with Muscle Man) but as long as there is a source of chocolate on this planet, I’m never ever going to be svelte...



3. Run the 10 km Race For Life
Well, it was more of a jog/shuffle/hobble than a run, but I did it, raising £175 for Cancer Research. Then I walked a half marathon, raising £225 for Macmillan Cancer Support. I’m very glad that I took part in both.

4. See the Dutch bulbfields
I really tried to...but I hadn’t counted on a $%^&ing Icelandic volcano spewing an ash cloud into the sky and shutting down European airspace, just a few days before I was scheduled to leave. I am still fighting for my travel insurance to cough up the money they owe me for my cancelled trip, and along with hundreds of thousands of equally conned people, I’m waiting on the Financial Ombudsman to make her final decision. I'm not holding my breath...

5. Take a city break in Berlin
Didn’t happen. I was a bit put off city breaks after the Amsterdam fiasco. I did get to see Lisbon (briefly as I was at a conference), somehow managing to fly in and out between ash cloud disruptions, and I was wowed by the beautiful city of Seville during the Andalusian adventure. 

6. Visit Canada (or China or Japan)
O Canada!  I had a fantastic trip to Vancouver Island and the Rockies in June that you may have read about in my couple of dozen posts. Absolutely loved it and hope to return soon. As for China or Japan...watch this space as we’re hoping to squeeze in a visit somewhere in the East in the second half of 2011.




7. Stop worrying about things I cannot control
Definitely didn’t happen. I have spent a large part of the year worrying about something or another, most often my dad’s health, which has unfortunately not been too great lately.

8. Overcome my fear of driving
I was forced into this.... with B being away for business and my dad in and out of hospital in another part of the country, I had to do some hairy driving on Britain’s motorways this year. Now, with the icey weather upon us, I’m trying to get to grips (literally) with snow driving.

9. Let go of people who bring me down
Again, this didn’t really happen, although I’ve learnt to sometimes screen my calls….some days I just can’t deal with anyone else’s (really quite trivial, self-inflicted) problems.



10. Plan and save for a new kitchen
This became quite urgent earlier this month, when the door fell off our oven…it’s back on now, but we broke the handle in the process, meaning we now have to prise the door open with a knife and burn ourselves senseless. I've decided I want a sleek black and white kitchen….the designs are in, finances are under review, so watch this space.

11. Learn to cook properly
While having a decrepit oven doesn’t inspire me to undertake anything too complicated, I can make some damn good lamb stew (in the slow cooker), roast chicken and lasagna, and I can bake a great banana bread. What else would anyone want? Best thing I bought this year…an egg poaching pan.



12. Watch 3 classic films
Does watching 'Love Actually' for the tenth time count? Just never found the time this year…probably because I was too busy watching rubbish TV.

13. Watch less rubbish TV, read more good books
Epic fail on this one (see 12 above).



How did you get on with your new year plans in 2010?

Monday, 29 March 2010

On Agony And Aikido

I do sometimes wonder if I took leave of my senses the day I signed up for Aikido classes. Why else would I voluntarily spend 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon getting thrown about a gymnasium, acquiring new bruises on top of my older, fading bruises when I could be....well, doing pretty much anything else that does not involve strenuous physical activity and the possibility of long-term injury?

Yesterday, in place of our usual evening class, we had a special afternoon course that was run by a Very Important Aikido Dude (he’s been practising for 47 years and is 7th Dan whereas our Sensei [instructor] has only been in the game a mere 17 years and is a lowly 2nd Dan). The visit by O Great One was something of a highlight in our Sensei’s calendar...he’s been like a little boy the day before Christmas for the past couple of weeks and has been getting us primed in the correct etiquette for the visit.

You could tell he was a bit anxious that we would not behave ourselves appropriately, as we are fairly easygoing as a club, unlike some of the other Aikido clubs around here that are apparently very formal and do stand on ceremony somewhat. Of course, this provided me with some ammunition to take the piss a bit with our Sensei (normally a very relaxed type of bloke who’s up for a laugh)....

Me: “So you’re saying we shouldn’t pitch up on the day with Karate Kid style headbands?”
Sensei: “Er....no.”
Me: “Hey, how do you feel about me tie-dying my gi for the occasion? I’ve heard if you throw a red sock and a blue sock in and wash it on 90°C, you can get a great colour mix?”
Sensei: “Don’t even think about it!”

Unsuitable Aikido attire:

Picture found HERE

Picture found HERE

At the same time, I was a bit apprehensive about this visit by O Great One, as I’d heard via the grapevine that he was fairly hardcore and has left black belts squealing by the end of his class.

Me: “So, he does know that some of us have only been doing this for a couple of months?”
Sensei: “I’ve given him a rundown on everyone’s abilities” [Read: "He knows that you are useless!”]

Finally, after weeks of anticipation and preparation, it’s the day before O Great One's Class, and guess what?! I wake up with an excruciating pain in my right leg. It’s so bad that I can’t lift my leg more than 2 cm off the ground, and to get off the bed or in and out the bath, I have to lift my leg using both my hands clasped behind my knee. Going up and down stairs is sheer torture, and takes about 10 minutes of “decrepit old lady shuffling”...I told B to “Shoot me now, coz if this is what old age has in store for me, I’m not sure I want to be around for it!” I have no idea what I did to my leg as I was walking around just fine the day before, so I don't think I injured it in Thursday's class. I took two long, hot baths to try and soothe the muscles, tried every leg stretch in the book, and was popping pills four-hourly, but nothing seemed to ease the pain.

I’d moreorless resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to be capable of walking up the stairs to the dojo for the class the next day, let alone spend 3 hours lunging, grappling, rolling and falling about the mat. I was incredibly annoyed, as I was keen to take the class and was sure that Sensei would think I was just chickening out....although to be fair, he may have been secretly relieved if The One Who Doesn’t Know Her Left Leg From Her Right was not there to show him up in front of O Great One.



Anyway, I hardly slept Saturday night from the leg discomfort, and woke up groggy on Sunday (the clocks moving forward to Summer Time with a subsequent loss of one hour’s sleep hardly helped). My leg was still throbbing, but I was adamant I was going to go along anyway, even if I had to just watch the class from the sidelines. I’m hobbling up the stairs (in my pure white gi and headbandless) and run into Sensei, who is positively bristling with excitement, on his way to meet and greet O Great One. I mentioned that I was the 'Walking Wounded', so he should please excuse me should I retreat to the back to watch. He said to “do only what you feel comfortable with doing”. [Read: "Why don't you just sit out for the whole class and thereby not embarrass me!"]

Either the accumulated dose of painkillers I’d popped the day before suddenly kicked in or the intensive warm-up stretches at the start of the class pulled my muscles back into shape, but I somehow lasted the full 3 hours without stepping out once. I thoroughly enjoyed the class....O Great One was completely affable and down to earth, spending lots of time with each of us. There were also five black belts with from his dojo, always on hand to demonstrate the techniques so we learnt a lot more than in a typical class. I was utterly shattered afterwards and in bed by 8 pm, but so glad I managed to attend the class in the end.

And today, many new bruises but thankfully no pain....