On Agony And Aikido

I do sometimes wonder if I took leave of my senses the day I signed up for Aikido classes. Why else would I voluntarily spend 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon getting thrown about a gymnasium, acquiring new bruises on top of my older, fading bruises when I could be....well, doing pretty much anything else that does not involve strenuous physical activity and the possibility of long-term injury?

Yesterday, in place of our usual evening class, we had a special afternoon course that was run by a Very Important Aikido Dude (he’s been practising for 47 years and is 7th Dan whereas our Sensei [instructor] has only been in the game a mere 17 years and is a lowly 2nd Dan). The visit by O Great One was something of a highlight in our Sensei’s calendar...he’s been like a little boy the day before Christmas for the past couple of weeks and has been getting us primed in the correct etiquette for the visit.

You could tell he was a bit anxious that we would not behave ourselves appropriately, as we are fairly easygoing as a club, unlike some of the other Aikido clubs around here that are apparently very formal and do stand on ceremony somewhat. Of course, this provided me with some ammunition to take the piss a bit with our Sensei (normally a very relaxed type of bloke who’s up for a laugh)....

Me: “So you’re saying we shouldn’t pitch up on the day with Karate Kid style headbands?”
Sensei: “Er....no.”
Me: “Hey, how do you feel about me tie-dying my gi for the occasion? I’ve heard if you throw a red sock and a blue sock in and wash it on 90°C, you can get a great colour mix?”
Sensei: “Don’t even think about it!”

Unsuitable Aikido attire:

Picture found HERE

Picture found HERE

At the same time, I was a bit apprehensive about this visit by O Great One, as I’d heard via the grapevine that he was fairly hardcore and has left black belts squealing by the end of his class.

Me: “So, he does know that some of us have only been doing this for a couple of months?”
Sensei: “I’ve given him a rundown on everyone’s abilities” [Read: "He knows that you are useless!”]

Finally, after weeks of anticipation and preparation, it’s the day before O Great One's Class, and guess what?! I wake up with an excruciating pain in my right leg. It’s so bad that I can’t lift my leg more than 2 cm off the ground, and to get off the bed or in and out the bath, I have to lift my leg using both my hands clasped behind my knee. Going up and down stairs is sheer torture, and takes about 10 minutes of “decrepit old lady shuffling”...I told B to “Shoot me now, coz if this is what old age has in store for me, I’m not sure I want to be around for it!” I have no idea what I did to my leg as I was walking around just fine the day before, so I don't think I injured it in Thursday's class. I took two long, hot baths to try and soothe the muscles, tried every leg stretch in the book, and was popping pills four-hourly, but nothing seemed to ease the pain.

I’d moreorless resigned myself to the fact that I was not going to be capable of walking up the stairs to the dojo for the class the next day, let alone spend 3 hours lunging, grappling, rolling and falling about the mat. I was incredibly annoyed, as I was keen to take the class and was sure that Sensei would think I was just chickening out....although to be fair, he may have been secretly relieved if The One Who Doesn’t Know Her Left Leg From Her Right was not there to show him up in front of O Great One.

Anyway, I hardly slept Saturday night from the leg discomfort, and woke up groggy on Sunday (the clocks moving forward to Summer Time with a subsequent loss of one hour’s sleep hardly helped). My leg was still throbbing, but I was adamant I was going to go along anyway, even if I had to just watch the class from the sidelines. I’m hobbling up the stairs (in my pure white gi and headbandless) and run into Sensei, who is positively bristling with excitement, on his way to meet and greet O Great One. I mentioned that I was the 'Walking Wounded', so he should please excuse me should I retreat to the back to watch. He said to “do only what you feel comfortable with doing”. [Read: "Why don't you just sit out for the whole class and thereby not embarrass me!"]

Either the accumulated dose of painkillers I’d popped the day before suddenly kicked in or the intensive warm-up stretches at the start of the class pulled my muscles back into shape, but I somehow lasted the full 3 hours without stepping out once. I thoroughly enjoyed the class....O Great One was completely affable and down to earth, spending lots of time with each of us. There were also five black belts with from his dojo, always on hand to demonstrate the techniques so we learnt a lot more than in a typical class. I was utterly shattered afterwards and in bed by 8 pm, but so glad I managed to attend the class in the end.

And today, many new bruises but thankfully no pain....

Wardrobe Malfunction

I recently decided that I’d go the whole hog with the Aikido lark and invest in a gi...thereby at least I can look the part even if I have absolutely no idea of what I’m doing!

Was there ever a less flattering outfit on the planet? It’s almost as bad as my old school uniform (the delightful combo of a navy blue, below the knee length box pleat skirt and beige safari suit style top) for adding the pounds onto my already ample derrière. Seriously, Skeletal Spice (Victoria Beckham) would look like she’s been eating all the pies in this gear.

Anyways, I’m not in this for the fashion stakes. What I am more worried about is having a wardrobe malfunction akin to Janet Jackson’s infamous Super Bowl incident back in 2004. The last thing I need is my ukemi turning into a “viewkemi”, much to delight of the male populace of the dojo. And thus I am investing in many high necked white t-shirts to wear under the jacket and over a super-shock-absorbing sports bra...I reckon my hips will take care of holding up the trousers.

Many moons ago, I had the dubious pleasure of working with an exceptionally accident-prone girl. I’m not sure if she was scatterbrained or just really unlucky, but every day seemed to spell fresh disasters for her....like the time she left her laptop on a train, the laptop that held the only copy of her PhD thesis that she’s been writing up for over 6 months and hadn’t once thought to make a back-up! Not long after this tragedy, she was on her way to work when she inadvertently lost her skirt in a freak accident involving rapidly closing train doors. Mortified, the poor girl had to cover her modesty with her empty laptop case, jump into the first taxi cab to draw up outside the station, who was willing to whisk her away to the high street for some hasty clothes’ shopping before work. As it was, she already had a bit of a reputation around the office for wearing outfits that most other people would not consider appropriate business attire. Golden rule, ladies...if you’re going to wear a lace-up blouse probably more at home on the set of “Pirates of the Caribbean”, don’t forget your bra...

Arrrrrrr!