Wardrobe Malfunction

I recently decided that I’d go the whole hog with the Aikido lark and invest in a gi...thereby at least I can look the part even if I have absolutely no idea of what I’m doing!

Was there ever a less flattering outfit on the planet? It’s almost as bad as my old school uniform (the delightful combo of a navy blue, below the knee length box pleat skirt and beige safari suit style top) for adding the pounds onto my already ample derrière. Seriously, Skeletal Spice (Victoria Beckham) would look like she’s been eating all the pies in this gear.

Anyways, I’m not in this for the fashion stakes. What I am more worried about is having a wardrobe malfunction akin to Janet Jackson’s infamous Super Bowl incident back in 2004. The last thing I need is my ukemi turning into a “viewkemi”, much to delight of the male populace of the dojo. And thus I am investing in many high necked white t-shirts to wear under the jacket and over a super-shock-absorbing sports bra...I reckon my hips will take care of holding up the trousers.

Many moons ago, I had the dubious pleasure of working with an exceptionally accident-prone girl. I’m not sure if she was scatterbrained or just really unlucky, but every day seemed to spell fresh disasters for her....like the time she left her laptop on a train, the laptop that held the only copy of her PhD thesis that she’s been writing up for over 6 months and hadn’t once thought to make a back-up! Not long after this tragedy, she was on her way to work when she inadvertently lost her skirt in a freak accident involving rapidly closing train doors. Mortified, the poor girl had to cover her modesty with her empty laptop case, jump into the first taxi cab to draw up outside the station, who was willing to whisk her away to the high street for some hasty clothes’ shopping before work. As it was, she already had a bit of a reputation around the office for wearing outfits that most other people would not consider appropriate business attire. Golden rule, ladies...if you’re going to wear a lace-up blouse probably more at home on the set of “Pirates of the Caribbean”, don’t forget your bra...

Arrrrrrr!