Just Chewing The Fat

Having a fat bum, hips and thighs is healthy....or so claim researchers at the University of Oxford in this month’s edition of the International Journal of Obesity. Any American readers please note, by “bum” I mean your rear, not some homeless person that sleeps rough and asks you for spare change at the traffic lights - you may prefer the term “fanny”, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish over here in the UK, and that is not for here....besides, when last did you see a chubby hobo?

Anyway, back to the bum story....apparently, extra weight on your hips, bums and thighs can protect against heart and metabolic problems, as slow burning hip fat sucks up harmful fatty acids and spits out a hormone called adiponectin that protects the arteries, and promotes better blood sugar control and fat burning.

Woohoooo! I can finally justify the significant presence of my lard arse....

Butt hang on, if having a backside à la J-Lo 'n Beyonce 'n Co. is the Next Big Thing, what the heck was I doing last night in the fittingly named “Hips, Bums and Tums” aerobics class of my local gym, desperately trying to reduce the size of my derrière? Yeah, yeah, you guessed it....with my new-found energy levels from all that strenuous hot chocolate drinking snowshoeing in Norway, I’m now on a new year fitness fling, along with half the population.

Not having set foot inside an aerobics studio for the last four ten years, I’d picked the H, B and T as the least frightening option. The other classes (Bodyattack, Bodyblast, Bodycombat, Bodypump) all sounded like they took place in a warzone and were highly likely to incur Grievous Bodily Harm. I was more than a tad apprehensive about attending the first session as I was sure I’d forgotten all the Jane Fondaesque moves (toe tap! box step! grapevine!) and would be the stumbling idiot at the arse end of the class.

But, as with most things you dread, it turned out OK in the end... the class was actually quite enjoyable and I didn’t faint, trip over my own feet (or anyone else’s), fall over clutching at my heart, slip in a pool of my own sweat, or get asked to leave and never return. I may even be up for another hefty dose of clench and squat next Tuesday night....big bums may be all the rage, but I still need to fit mine into last year’s jeans.

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Quite ironically, this was my 'fortune' from the cookie that came with the Chinese takeaway that followed the gym class (yeah, I’m really taking this healthy living lark seriously)....

I’m going to take this to mean....stop worrying about the size of your bum!