Getting Pissy

Picture found HERE

Way back when I first started throwing random mutterings together into one place and calling it a “blog”, I wrote a piece inspired by a conversation that I had with my hairdresser, a lady who definitely wears the trousers in her household, insisting that her man sits down to pee as she cannot abide the “Splash Factor”. In that post (Just Taking The Piss), I mentioned that while many men are quite happy to be “dudes who pee like a lady” in the interests of keeping the pee-ace at home, there was a group of feminists at a Swedish university who were taking it a step further. They’d been campaigning to ban all urinals from campus, “because a man standing up to urinate is deemed to be triumphing in his masculinity, and by extension, degrading women." I thought at the time that the feminists had missed a trick, because now, thanks to the SheWee, we girls can indeed stand up and pee too.

I have long been toying with the idea of acquiring said urinary aid, mainly to avoid having to sit on less than desirable public toilet seats on my travels both at home and abroad, or peeing onto my shoes while I attempt to hover over squat toilets (which are surprisingly more common than you may think....for example in parts of Italy!). I could have really used a SheWee when snowshoeing recently in Norway...having to strip down to just a base layer in subzero temperatures in order to get my pants down was no piss in the park, I can assure you. The wind chill on exposed butt cheek is sheer torture! No such need for public indecency with a SheWee, just unzip like the boys do, position the SheWee, and write your name in the snow...

Anyway, I have finally stopped pissing about and bought my very own, hot pink SheWee Extreme, complete with extension pipe and solid travel case. I figured the last thing I want to be doing, when hiking in the wilds of Canada in June and nature calls, is to be baring my sizeable butt to the elements or, in particular, to a hungry grizzly with a preference for white meat.

Friday Fear Factor

We all have things that we’re afraid of, but I think I’m above average when it comes to racking up the phobias. Here are just five of the many things that freak me out...

1. Flying
I am utterly terrified of flying. It kind of spoils the travelling lark, but I try to use legal pharmaceuticals to not completely freak out and scream hysterically every time the plane hits the slightest little bit of turbulence. I think my fear stems from a bad experience when I was quite young. I was on a flight to Australia and was walking back from the toilet when the plane hit the edge of a cyclone over the Mozambique Channel, and dropped like a stone. I fell in the aisle, and whacked my face on the floor. The overhead lockers popped open, hand luggage fell out and hit some passengers, and the oxygen masks flopped down...even the air crew were shitting themselves! Since then, I’ve had the delight of an aborted landing in heavy fog over Heathrow and a flight from hell back from the States, when the turbulence was so bad that the crew spent 7 of the 9 hours strapped in their seats.

Any news of plane crashes always grab my attention. With morbid fascination, I’ll trawl through the crash details, which will then get filed in my brain under “Resort to Nervous Wreck When On An Aeroplane Aids”, ready to pop up the next time I’m strapped into a plane seat, waiting for the roar of engines to signal the start of that race down the runway to take-off. That’s the point when I always feel trapped. I can’t stand up and shout “Let me off!”... well, I possibly could, but I would definitely piss off the other passengers, almost certainly be labelled a lunatic and probably be banned from flying... which would kind of get in the way of my travel plans. Suck another Rescue Remedy pastille, and dig fingernail stubs into B’s arm (if travelling alone, random stranger’s arm).

2. Spiders
If there’s one creature on this planet that reduces me to a shrieking, shivering wreck, it’s the creepy crawly eight-legged variety! I can actually pinpoint the source of my phobia to an incident quite early in my childhood – I can’t have been much older than about 3 at the time. Growing up in Africa, there were spiders aplenty, some pretty nasty ones too....like the baboon spider. This tale involves a harmless brown house spider. I was naturally curious about these strange creatures that ran silently along the walls and ceilings. I recall going up to touch one....then feeling the spider hop onto my hand, run up my arm and down my chest under my dress! By this stage I was screaming hysterically. My mom quickly pulled my dress off over my head and knocked the spider off me. And that was when it all started. I spent the rest of my childhood in living fear of spiders and the phobia has followed me into adulthood.

Baboon spider - photo found HERE

3. Cockroaches

Along with most other small things that crawl, scuttle, flap and fly about, I detest cockroaches...I’m convinced they are mini aliens sent to inherit the earth when humanity destroys itself in a nuclear war. Back in the days when we lived in Cape Town, we used to get gigantic ‘roaches in our flat...I’m sure this was thanks to the downstairs neighbours running an illegal takeaway joint from their home, as they were cooking the whole day long meaning there were always food smells to entice vermin to the vicinity. I’d go into the kitchen and there one would be...parked on the wall and leering at me with his evil eyes. Much as I wanted to crunch him underfoot, I just could not bring myself to do so. Typically, B would be out and therefore not around to play the role of Fearless Roach ‘Radicator , so I’d have to go around to my burly neighbour and lay on my feminine charms (this was of course back in the days when I had one or two) to get him to remove the awful creature. He had no qualms about grabbing it in his bare hand and throwing it out the window to fly away and terrorise someone else.

Roach - photo found HERE

4. Driving

I’ve always been a fairly cautious driver, but I became a lot more nervous after my car accident back in November 2008. It was nothing serious, mind, just a speeding dude collecting me on the side, but it was enough of a dodgem-car style bump, grind and jolt to now give me the heebie-jeebies every time another car drifts towards me in a tight roundabout. I am also very afraid of being in a car with someone else who is driving too fast or too close to other cars...it makes my stomach heave and I feel like throwing up, which is another great fear I have...

5. Puking
I absolutely cannot tolerate the thought or sound of anyone, but especially me, throwing up. I believe it’s quite a common phobia (emetophobia) but it means I live in fear of getting food poisoning or a stomach bug, and I’m nervous around small children who, let’s face it, are pretty much capable of projectile vomiting on demand! Eeeuuuuwww!

How about you...what things do you fear most?

Where In The World Wednesday: Arizona

It's Where in the World Wednesday time again, brainchild of Classy in Philadelphia. If you want to take part, all you have to do is post a picture of someplace in the world, then visit the comments section later on Classy in Philadelphia's post to see who else is participating, and leave your link so that other participants can visit your blog too. Remember to use the WITWW button in your post.

Back in October 2008, B and I did a road trip through the Western United States of California, Nevada and Arizona.

It was a fabulous trip and I will eventually tell you all about it, but for today I am going to focus on Arizona. I was really awe struck by the spectacular scenery and seemingly neverending desert landscapes of this state.

On the road

Saguaro cacti

We stopped at Montezuma's Castle, which is built into the limestone cliffs above Beaver's Creek. Once home to the Sinagua people, the dwelling dates back to the 1100s.

Remains of Montezuma Castle

Then it was on to the magnificent red-rock country around Sedona....

Red rocks near Sedona

We took a jeep ride through the red-rock canyons....

We spent the night in Flagstaff, and were up early the next day for the drive to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.....what a magnificent sight!

 

South Rim of Grand Canyon

 

Baby tarantula in Grand Canyon National Park

Our day included a helicopter flight over the edge of the canyon....

View of the Canyon from the helicopter

We left the Grand Canyon in the late afternoon, heading for the bright lights of Las Vegas....but I will tell you about that another day.

A Walk In The Woods

 

Funny Bunnies

Happy Easter!

The Original Prankster

Savage Chickens are found HERE

My mom has a wicked sense of humour and is a great fan of practical jokes. Probably the naughtiest (and most disgusting) prank she ever played was as a teenager. The victim...her aunt, a childlike woman (“a bit simple” as my grandmother used to say)...lived out of town, with her husband who worked on the asbestos mines. My mom and her younger sister would visit their aunt during school holidays, and would hardly get their feet over the doorstep before she would eagerly ask “Have you brought me a present?”

Usually there would indeed be a gift....a cake or perhaps some jam made by my grandmother....but on this occasion my mom decided she would take along a special little present of her own. She scooped up a large turd, freshly left on the back lawn by their Great Dane, sprinkled it with coloured hundreds and thousands and placed it daintily in a small cardboard box....like the ones favoured by fancy cake shops and patisseries.

"Ohhh, how lovely!" exclaimed her aunt when presented with the little box of delights....

"But wait, what's that awful smell?"

Yummy, mummy!

Where In The World Wednesday: Dominican Republic

 

It's time for Where in the World Wednesday again, hosted by Classy in Philadelphia.  If you want to take part, all you have to do is post a picture of someplace in the world, then visit the comments section on Classy in Philadelphia's post to see who else is participating, and leave your link so that other participants can visit your blog too. Remember to use the WITWW button in your post.

This week, I'm going to tell you about a holiday B and I went on in November 2005, to the Dominican Republic. Once ruled by Spain, the Dominican Republic is the second largest Caribbean nation (after Cuba), and shares the island of Hispaniola with Haiti, the country recently devastated by an earthquake.

We went at the end of the Atlantic hurricane season, that year the most active in recorded history.....a season in which hurricanes Dennis, Emily, Katrina, Rita, and Wilma struck with horrific consequences. During our stay, the Dominican Republic caught the tail end of at least two tropical storms... we had 6 days of rain out of 14, but luckily nothing on a par with the storms that hit other parts of the Caribbean, Mexico, Florida and Louisiana.

We stayed in a resort on the mountainous north side of the island, an area renowned for its lush, tropical landscape and golden sandy beaches. Most days we spent just lying on the beach, reading, soaking up the sun (when it was actually shining), partaking of a few too many rum cocktails, and swimming and snorkelling in the deliciously warm ocean.....

Every day, the "looky-looky" men and women would descend upon the beach, eager to sell their wares to the tourists. They'd call "looky-looky!" as they walked the length of the beach, trying to entice us to have a look at their jewellery and knick knacks. One man went a bit further than that, endlessly calling...."looky-looky, touchy-touchy, likey-likey, buy-buy!"

"Looky-looky!"

They did get on my nerves after a while, but by the end of the holiday I'd succumbed to buying a set of dolphins carved out of petrified wood....

One of the highlights of the holiday was a helicopter trip over the North coast...

View of the resort from the helicopter

Heading for the mountain

The best day of the holiday, though, was the one we spent at Ocean World Adventure Park, a beautiful marine park with dolphins, sea lions, sharks, stingrays, tropical birds and fish. There, we had the opportunity to swim with dolphins...apparently one of the things everyone MUST do at some time in their lives. Well, to be honest, while it was a very exciting experience (the best part was when the dolphins swam up next to us, allowing us to hold their fin and then dragged us for a high speed ride), it was also quite weird and a bit scary for me....not helped by the fact that my dolphin was a bit frisky. The trainer warned us not to touch the dolphins in certain places, as they can get excited in that way...I didn't go near mine but she definitely had a gleam in her eye, and was a bit too enthusiastic in general. She swam up to me at one point, nudged me in the ear with her nose and then suddenly flipped backwards under the water...whacking my foot hard with her flipper as she did so. Man, did it hurt! My foot was black and blue for a week after that. I must be the only human to have been injured by a dolphin....

The dolphin pools at Ocean World

Tucan at Ocean World