How To Cross The Road In Vietnam....

The traffic in Vietnam's big cities like Hanoi and Saigon is completely insane! Think gazillions of scooters, bicycles, rickshaws, buses and the odd car streaming continuously at you....

Pedestrian crossings are few and far between, and even in places where they do exist, they are largely ignored. The traffic is so bad outside our hotel in Saigon, that they employ two "traffic chaperones" whose sole purpose seems to be to escort stupid dumb tourists across the road, using batons akin to Luke Skywalker's light sabre to stop the flow of traffic. The scooters do eventually (and grudgingly!) stop.

But there were many times when we just had to wing it on our own and somehow get to the other side of the road without life-threatening injuries.

Here is how you do it....

1. Take a deep breathe and mentally prepare yourself. Those of a religious persuasion may find this a good time to pray to St Jude, Allah, Buddah, Yahweh or whoever Great Power you hope will place their protective hand over you as you hurl yourself into the abyss attempt to make like a chicken and get to the other side.

2. Walk slowly, rhythmically and with purpose. Make your footsteps form a distinct pattern, so that the oncoming drivers can anticipate your position and adjust their drive path accordingly. Or at least just clip your extremities rather than mowing you down flat!

3. DO NOT STOP! Whatever you do, resist the urge to panic and come to a grinding halt in the middle of the road - you'll be a sitting duck!

4. Follow the crowd. There’s always safety in numbers. The same applies when in Vietnam. You’re much more likely to be seen by a motorist when walking with a group than venturing across the street solo. And if you get your position right you can use your fellow pedestrians as human shields.

5. Record your (hopefully successful) crossing for the benefit of others. Preferably once you have mastered the technique.... otherwise the last frame on that video could be the underside of a bus or scooter wheel.