The Early Worm

Savage Chickens found HERE

The Seventh Deadly Sin

SLOTH!

It's been a bad week on the Getting Fit For Norway front.... a walk on Sunday post the Christmas party binge really doesn't even count and I'd be exaggerating if I claimed I've done half an hour in total on the bike.

I'm not looking for excuses for my complete lack of self discipline...well, actually, sod it!...I am...

1. Having a lingering, hacking cough that's been keeping anyone within a 5 mile radius awake at night has not been condusive to me hauling my (sizeable) lazy ass out of my warm bed in the morning to face the arctic blasts outside (OK, it's about 5C at the moment but its dropping daily).
2.  A bit of extra padding will be handy for keeping me warm in the subzero Nordic temperatures and the fatter the ass the softer the fall onto it....and I'm sure I'll be spending quite a bit of time on my rump in the snow.
3. Sloths are actually cute creatures...

A Bad Bout of Hypochondriatis

Savage Chickens found HERE

 

To say that my granny was obsessed with her health throughout her 80 years on this earth would probably be an understatement. For most of the time I knew her, she was never a very well person and she was on a potentially lethal cocktail of drugs for a multitude of ailments. In her last days, she was really ill with a failing heart, and was almost bent double from osteoporosis, which I now realise was thanks to her not getting HRT after a full hysterectomy aged just 34. But hey, it was the 1950s and what did they know?

I think my granny was actually quite a lonely person, and her preoccupation with illnesses filled the void and earned her some much craved attention. By the time my grandfather passed away and granny came to live with us in the mid 1980s, she had only two friends left in the country...all the others had either emigrated and lost touch or popped their clogs. One of those two friends was a former Follies dancer, now almost crippled with arthritis and not able to move out of her care home, but still lively in mind and spirit. The other old dear was quite mobile, but shared my granny’s passion for all things relating to bad health. When the two of them got together, they would talk for hours about ill they had been, were currently and expected to be in the near future.

I reckon you can talk yourself ill.

One day, my granny had been to the doctor for her monthly check-up....always a bit of a highlight for someone so keen on discussing her own health. She came home in particularly high spirits that day and announced that the doctor had told her she had malaria. We were puzzled...sure malaria is rife in Zimbabwe, but not in the capital city where we lived....and definitely not during the dry season (and the dust bowl pretending to be a garden was a bit of a giveaway that the rains had yet to arrive).

My granny was adamant she had a tropical fever: “I feel all hot one minute and cold the next!”. Naturally concerned, my mom phoned the doctor to confirm. He was as astonished as we were, “Malaria?! Well, she must have caught that between my office and home, as I’m treating her for arrhythmia!” In her haste to get to her doctor’s appointment that morning, my granny had forgotten to put in her hearing aid. Now it all made sense...

Could have been worse, I suppose...she could have gone to him suffering with a Glue-Ear, and come away telling everyone she had a bad case of diarrhoea...or even worse... gonorrhoea!

It’s been 10 years since my granny passed away. I wish I’d gotten to know her better, but I didn’t...as I was foolish and selfish in my youth and believed there were many better ways to spend my days than chatting to an old and (sometimes awkward) lady.

May she rest in peace and good health.

10 Things I Learnt At My Office Christmas Party

Inspired by Being Brazen, who regularly posts lists about her weekend, here’s one from me....

1. Not even Tyra Banks could "work" a paper Christmas hat.

2. A roomful of adults are easily entertained by party poppers and screeching rocket balloons whizzing overhead.

3. White and dark chocolate delice with raspberry and vanilla compote is a delicious dessert.

4. An office "Christmas do" is not a party without a disco cheesier than a toasted emmental and brie sandwich.

5. Two glasses of wine are enough to get me onto the dance floor of such a disco.

6. These days, two glasses of wine are also enough to give me a hangover from hell the next day.

7. Kings of Leon, 50 Cent, Chesney Hawkes and Marilyn Manson make for an eclectic mix of sounds....and some bizarre dance routines.

8. My Heavy-Metal-loving husband knows all the moves to The Macarena...and (with the right amount of alcohol in him) will happily demonstrate them on the dance floor.

9. There is no greater feeling than dancing in stockinged feet after 4 hours on 4 inch stiletto heels.

10. Cameras should be banned at functions involving alcohol, dancing and  workmates who are also your friends on FaceBook.

It's Friday!

Crimes of Plastic

I recently came across this quote that I thought I would do well to try and live by, in an attempt to curb my highly neurotic personality trait....

“The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.” ALFRED ADLER (1870-1937) Austrian psychiatrist.

Huh! What did ol’ Alfred know? Clearly I didn’t take enough protective measures when flashing my credit card around cyberspace....some conniving little toe-rag out there has been using my details to fund their own dodgy transactions. Serves me right for extolling the virtues of online shopping on here last week...it’s come back to take a mighty big chunk out of my fat rump.

Luckily my credit card company were on the ball and put the brakes on before the Lunch-Is-On-Nat brigade could get out of the parking lot. Hassle, hassle, hassle....it’ll take a good 10 days before my card is restored. I’m thankful that I’ve done all my Christmas shopping and shopped till my fingers dropped, stocking up on thermal socks and undies to ward off the subzero temperatures of Norway. Otherwise, how would I cope?

Life's about film stars and less about mothers

It's all about fast cars and cussing each other

But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic

And that's what makes my life so f***ing fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption

And it's not my fault it's how I'm programmed to function

I'll look at The Sun and I'll look in The Mirror

I'm on the right track yeah we're onto a winner

[Lily Allen, The Fear]

And Now For Some Good News...

My dad saw his oncologist today...12 cycles of chemo down and he has responded well and the cancer is being held at bay. He'll be having a bit of a break from the noxious chemicals to give his body some time to recover, before the next round.

It's a happy day!