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Dear Man with the Ginormous Head Seated Directly in Front of me at Last Night's Ballet
You can't help the disproportionate size of your dome. Your poor mother.... squeezing that cranium out.... ooooouuuuuch! Doesn't bear even thinking about! Apparently having a big head makes you smarter than the rest of us mere mortals with our puny little skulls... huh! Not smart enough though to work out that constant leaning your gargantuan noodle first one way then the next was obscuring my view of the stage! Do you have a weak neck? It seems likely, given that it's having to support that huge nut on top of you shoulders... however, last night's performance of 'Swan Lake' was not the time or the place to be working on your neck-strengthening exercises! Use your loaf, man! Might I suggest a neck brace? It will serve you well when the next poor sod stuck behind you in a theatre seat somewhere gets the hell in and stops your wobbly head antics with a swift, hard blow to the back of your noggin! I was tempted. Very, very tempted.
Dear Woman Constantly Rustling Crinkly Sweet Wrappers Seated Directly Behind me at Last Night's Ballet
ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Girlfriend.... take it from me, a former sugar junkie.... you want to ration those sweet treats to once a month at most... and then most definitely NOT during any performance that other people have paid good money to enjoy! You nom nom noming constantly and loudly for three hours' solid behind me did nothing to improve my tetchiness with Man with the Ginormous Head Seated Directly in Front of me, and probably even less for your evidently rapidly expanding waistline. MIAOW!
.........
PS From Grumpy Nat..... despite these annoying people seated front and rear of me, last night's performance of 'Swan Lake' by the Sofia National Ballet and Orchestra was absolutely stunning! I remain in awe of the talented dancers and musicians, and somewhat intrigued by the... er... bulkiness... of the contents of the male dancers tights! Just what is going ON down there?!!
Photos of the Sofia National Ballet nicked from the web... I would never use my camera in the theatre, unlike some others seated to my right! Surrounded by idiots....
Haha, wish I´d seen these people live (or maybe not)..! :-D
ReplyDeleteThat's why I never go to the cinema any more! Love the kitty ballet troupe! x
ReplyDeleteI laughed at your descriptions, although it had to be very annoying. Some people have no sense of courtesy when at the theater. Glad I found your blog again. I had been gone a long while. I am back with a new blog.
ReplyDeleteI get driven to distraction too by people a concerts - was it those bulky leg muscles shrouded in tights that had you so fascinated???
ReplyDeleteI hate it whenI am around annoying people like that. The biggest problem is that once you've noticed it you can't unnotice it.
ReplyDeleteGood reasons why I stopped going to concerts.
ReplyDeleteThe last time two very inebriated woman stood
in front of their seats for the entire show.
no need for that at Caesar's Palace.. there isn't a bad seat
in the theater unless the idiots in front of you stand.
One more bit of proof that earthlings are rude and stupid.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, about those male dancers...
You were looking at the male equivalent of bra stuffing.