Things That Go Bump In The Night

B is away for work reasons at the moment. Which is fine, I quite enjoy the solitude that brings.... expect when it comes to bedtime. Why does an otherwise rather sensible woman in her mid 30s suddenly revert to a cowardly 5-year old, convinced there are beasties lurking under the bed just because she's alone in the house and it's night? Why does every sound have me craning to hear if that thud was actually a footstep downstairs or is that the front door being forced open?

I lie in bed, restlesslessly, until logic eventually prevails and I work out what each sound represents:

Tick! Radiators contracting as they cool - yes, the heating has gone off, so that's quite normal.

Phrrrr! Dishwasher switching cycles. Again, normal, I did switch it on before I went upstairs.

Crack! House creaking/neighbour closing door. Fine, as long as it's his door on his side of the wall, not my front door with him on the inside of it.

Speaking of neighbours and noises in the night, a couple of years ago, B and I were woken one night by the sound of thieves breaking into our neighbour's car. To be more accurate, we (and the rest of our otherwise sleepy village) were first disturbed by said car thieves screaming up the road in second gear, doing wheel spins and reving the engine of their later-found-to-be-stolen-car. Not content with just one theft in the nearby big town that night, they'd broadened their search to see what else was up for grabs... but were going about it in all the wrong way! Perhaps they were auditioning for "Dumbest Criminals" or some such lighthearted entertainment show. Certainly not the hardest crims on the block.

No doubt after careful consideration, they selected their target car... which just happened to be parked under a very bright streetlight. You can follow their logic: all the better to see to steal by, but they possibly failed to realise that it also meant that everyone who'd just been rudely awoken by the screeching tyres of Stolen Car # 1, was now peering out their window and had a clear view of the thieving quartet hard at work under the spotlight. Their technique consisted of everyone climbing into the car, probably to offer encouragement to the one in the driver's seat who was desperately trying to break the steering wheel lock. Realising quite quickly this was a lost cause, Dumb, Dumber, Dumber Still and Dumber than Him decided to call it a night....but not before riffling through the car for any valuables, thereby leaving their fingerprints all over the place. Lean pickings on the whole apparently, although one did get away with a newish pair of trainers, obviously better than the ones he had on as he immediately swopped them for his old pair and threw those in a nearby ditch. The four headed off into the night....

Meanwhile B had been on the phone to the Bill, who impressively arrived within minutes, sniffer dogs at the ready. But after several attempts to pick up a scent (cue those old trainers in the ditch) and nothing doing, they left and we thought that was the end of that.

Not so. Turns out that en route back into town, who should the old Bill come across but our failed felons, sitting pretty in Stolen Car#1 (or more accurately The One and Only Stolen Car).

Well and truely nicked!