I can put on a brave face when I need to, when I speak to my dad it's all "Pah! Cancer... we do not fear you, we spit in your eye and defy you!" But when I'm alone I just want to scream "Help! I can't cope with this!"
My dad is showing great spirit - he wants to give the chemo a go and go in guns blazing with the really nasty stuff... more potential risks but greater chance of benefits. It will all depend on how he handles the drugs. Before he can start, he needs another scan - to check if the cancer has spread to the lungs or liver... the liver was clear two months ago, but his chest was not scanned at the time. Hope upon hope that lungs and liver are still clear...and also that the docs pull finger and get him into the system asap! On the plus side he has gained back nearly two of the 10 kilos he lost in hospital.... the stronger he is going into chemo, the better his chances of coping with the fatigue.
B and my friends have been so supportive - it is great to be with people who care but at the same time it can be a bit hard as they want to know what's going on and I do want to talk about it but then get overwhelmed by the enormity of it all when I do. I'm also concerned I may overburden others with my worries.... overload them with details they don't need to know.
I wish I could shake myself up, pull myself together and get on....chin up, old girl and all that!
Hang in there Nat - you can do it. It is a very difficult time - and you have to be brave for your dad as well.
ReplyDeleteOh hell. That's awful.
ReplyDeleteMy folks are going strong but Milord lost his mum after years of cancer fighting (breast, then throat then lungs) a couple of years back.
Ghastly.
I'm so sorry. I hope he fights it off, but it's going to be so hard.
(hugs)
Thanks both for the support
ReplyDeleteN