First Gear

I seem to be gradually pulling myself together.

My dad is constantly in the back of my mind... he's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thought before I doze off at night. But the constant, sharp, aching fear of last week is slowly ebbing into a dull, background anxiety. I can focus on work - last week was just a mess.

It's now a waiting game... waiting for dad's CT scan on the 31st May, waiting for the appointment with the oncologist on the 2nd June, at which he'll learn if his lungs and liver are under threat too (cross all appendages that all is clear!)... then waiting to start the chemo... and waiting to see how it goes.

I want all these things to be done with but at the same time I want the sands of time to slow right down to a trickle through that great hourglass of life. There may only be a bit of time left.

Busy days ahead... the outlaws return from their cruise of the Med at the end of the week, it's a long weekend of entertaining them (no doubt in the pouring rain!) and then I'll be in Slovenia for a conference next week. Back a couple of nights before we all head up to Northumberland for a few days ... I'll be up there when my dad gets his scan results... wish I could be with him, but let's hope it's good news that comes by phone.